Developmental Stages and Grief
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Developmental Stages and Grief
Source: www.listen2kids.net
While the response to grief is unique, the perception of the finality of death and the seriousness of fatal illness is, in part, influenced by developmental stages. At all stages, children need reassurance, time with a caring adult, and the freedom to express their feelings.
Children who experience a death early in life will continue to re-experience grief as they move through developmental stages. They will mourn the loss again as their concept of death and dying develops. Adults should not assume that developmental age is a strict boundary or that all children respond in the same way. This is simply a guide that gives an overview of common developmental stages and grief.
| Age | Developmental Task | Concept of Death | Grief Response | Signs of Distress | Interventions |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Preverbal infants and toddlers |
Skill Development Trust Beginnings of cause and effect |
Loss of caregiver Stress in the family |
Fussy or crying Appetite or sleep changes Delays in developmental milestones |
Consistent caregiver Routine, routine, routine Rock, speak softly, soothe |
|
| Verbal- 4 years |
Ongoing skill development Gaining vocabulary Motor skill development Beginning peer relationships |
Do not understand permanence or universality |
Intense but brief May repeatedly ask about the whereabouts of the deceased |
Regression Appetite or sleep changes Developmental delays Fears may appear |
Routine, routine, routine Brief, honest answers Do not use euphemisms such as gone to sleep or on a trip for describing death |
| 4-6 years |
World exploration and understanding Huge fantasy and imagination Language development and usage Very concrete |
“Magical thinking” may lead to their belief that something they said or did caused the death resulting in feelings of guilt and responsibility Fear of abandonment or separation |
Spurts of distress and confusion Repetitive questioning |
Appetite or sleep changes Nightmares Strange fantasies Hyper vigilant Disobedience |
Encourage expression of feelings through play or art Encourage physical activities Communicate and educate other adults who interact with the child Listen, listen, listen Reassure |
| 6-10 years |
Continue to think concretely but can begin to understand the point of view of others Take on values of society Skill integration |
See death as final and universal Interested in the biological process of death, dying, burial and cremation |
Problems with concentration leading to difficulty in school Acting out behaviors when they do not have words for their feelings Concern with their own health |
Somatic complaints Crying and sobbing Generalized anxiety Suicidal ideation- a desire to join the deceased |
Routine Listen Nurture Play Expectations and guidelines for their behavior Assistance in identifying feeling and adult acceptance of those feelings Team with the school |
| 10-14 years |
Beginning of abstract thought Black and white thinkers Testing for power and control Social Sense of humor |
Begin to turn to peers for support Hide their grief Overwhelming feelings Resentful of not being included in details surrounding death |
Refusal to talk about the death Fear of showing emotion |
Feelings displayed as anger Somatic complaints |
Accept their feelings but not the inappropriate behaviors Set limits and boundaries Encourage school performance but allow some flexibility |
| 14-18 years |
Abstract thinking matures Separation from family of origin Development of personal identit |
Peer group is primary Little impulse control |
Turn to peers for support Withdraw Death may be glamorized |
Risky behaviors School problems Confusion may lead to delinquency Extreme anger |
Modeling of healthy grieving Stay connected Listen without advice |