Head, Heart, and Hands: Working with People in Crisis

What really happens when we encounter a serious loss or other crisis? There is a “cascade of response” that is quite typical, and may be helpful for us to understand our own reactions and those of others. It can be descriptively termed the “Head/Heart/Hands” reaction, since these three terms identify the chief feature of each successive stage of response.

“Head” refers to our initial need to find out exactly what happened. If there has been an accident, we want to know who was involved, when it happened, what caused it, what were the consequences, how people involved are doing now, etc., etc. It is natural for us to want this information, sometimes to seek very specific details, and to pass it along to others. 

Knowing that seeking and sharing information about a tragic situation is a natural first-level response helps us to offer appropriate facts, not gossip, to others who are affected by a crisis. It is not “wrong” to ask for or give information unless the facts deteriorate into hearsay or personal information about the victim and/or family that does not respect their dignity or right to privacy.  This is why we share the clear facts with students as we know them and that are deemed appropriate by the crisis support team and the immediate family.  Students will seek the details as part of the “head” phase and it is important that we do not shame them for this, rather, direct them in appropriate ways.

“Heart” indicates the emotional responses which typically follow. Once we have grasped the facts of a loss or other crisis, we find ourselves affected to the degree that the situation impacts our life or that of others close to us. Emotions vary greatly, however, and people vary greatly in their responses to their feelings. Thus, some may cry openly while others seem implacable. Some may draw away into isolation, while others may actively seek the comfort of others. And some may make awkward comments, even jokes, while others feel angry.

The variety of emotional responses is a potential problem in a social situation such as the classroom and/or where staff are gathering. Obviously, those who lean on humor to hide their discomfort with emotions will not be compatible with those who can cry or otherwise “feel” their distress. Rather than chastise those few who behave “inappropriately” however, it is best to ask them to spend some time elsewhere while those in greater evident need process.  

The “Heart” phase of crisis response does not have a clear conclusion, of course, and can continue to a protracted period of time, if not redirected to the “Hands” phase. The “Hands” phase is the action phase most of us reach, once we have digested the news of the crisis and have experienced our initial emotional response. We want to do something, show our concern, lessen the pain of those affected, and channel our helplessness into a helpful act.

As adults we often find ourselves providing a note of condolence or a meal for the bereaved. Students also wish to respond in some way, and we can help them by giving them the opportunity. Some will know spontaneously what they want to do, while others will need ideas and encouragement. Depending on the age, such things as crayon drawings, thoughtful notes, a class project, etc., can be satisfying during this “Hands Phase.”  The School Counselors and Crisis Response Team will have options available for kids who are in the “Hands Phase” and who need that as part of their process.  We will have a designated area for this so that we can effectively help students in this phase.  It is important that we have a designated space for this that is identified by the Crisis Response Team that follows crisis protocols around memorials or “shrines.” There are unintended consequences of having memorials/shrines at schools that are not in designated and private areas and the Crisis Response Team is trained to address this in a fashion that honors all the crisis response guidelines and protocols.

Know that almost any crisis will fit the “Head/Heart/Hands” progression generally, but that each phase will not be neatly completed and the next ushered in. The “Heart” response, in particular, will linger for some, abate and return for others, and be denied entirely by others. No one person grieves or processes a crisis or traumatic experience the exact same way.  It is important to honor and understand individual differences and needs and help get people connected to those trained to support those experiencing a crisis. 

Here are 24/7 Crisis Support Resources:

• Colorado Crisis Support - 24/7 hotline for accessing mental health services 1-844-493-TALK (8255)
• Colorado Crisis Text - 24/7 free text line for anyone in any type of mental health crisis: text TALK to 38255
• National Crisis Line - 24/7 free and confidential support line for people in distress: 1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK)